The Invisible Weight of Singleness in the Body of Christ

The video I watched recently was very coherent — and it’s good to see topics like this being addressed responsibly, especially by married men. As I watched, some of my own experiences as a woman, single, with 14 years of mission and theological training, came to mind.

I’ve stopped seeking pastoral counseling because, in many places, the pastor’s wife didn’t fulfill that role — and, for me, it’s reckless to seek counseling directly from a male pastor. After all, female pastors, theologically speaking, don’t even exist... let alone single ones — right? And even when I tried to seek support from other women in leadership, they were all married — and still avoided listening to a single woman. Whether due to lack of prolonged experience in single life, automatically associating it with emotional need, or even personal frustrations in their own marriages... the fact is, there’s rarely a safe space for singles — and even less for single women. Many times, I felt invisible there.

How can I feel part of the Body of Christ if, so far, in the sovereignty of the Lord, marriage hasn’t been part of my story — and maybe never will be — but the simple fact of being single already deprives me even of counseling? As if my "singleness" were self-explanatory, and by itself, it disconnected me from the structural logic of the ecclesiastical system...

We talk a lot about the last revival being in the family — but, subliminally, it sounds like the family is formed and multiplied by marriage. However, I believe this revival is meant to be family, not just to form one.

I saw newly married people taking leadership, even with immature behaviors just days before marriage. Meanwhile, sanctification and accountability in the life of a single person seem insufficient to be seen as mature and called.

Curiously, single men in leadership are rarely questioned. Yet I’ve heard that "a married woman has a prophetic voice... and the single one... is there to pray for a future husband."

My reflection here is not out of anger, but out of zeal: Are we validating callings based on visible alliances or on the fruits of the Spirit?

Paul was clear:

"The unmarried person cares for the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord." (1 Corinthians 7:32)

If one day I marry, I will be under the mission that God entrusts to my husband — and yes, the standard is high. But if, in the sovereignty of the Lord, marriage is not part of my story, it doesn’t shake me — because it never defined the way I live.

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Why keep the standard high?

Yes! But... that’s another post...

My desire is that we mature as the Church. That the identity and mission of the saints be recognized by the fruit of the Spirit, not by marital status.

Being single is not synonymous with incompleteness. In Christ, we are whole. In Christ, we are family. And, in the end, it is He who seals our calling — not a human covenant.

May we be a Church for all: married, single, widowed — all those who love the Lord with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength. 💛